Common Misconceptions About Family Law

A note before we start: Everything here is for general informational purposes only and is not legal advice. For advice about your specific situation, consult a Colorado family law attorney.

Your Situation

Divorce is confusing enough without the cloud of half-truths and outdated beliefs that surround family law. A lot of what people "know" about divorce in Colorado comes from old movies, from relatives who divorced decades ago, from other states' rules, or simply from wishful thinking. Acting on those mistaken beliefs can cost you real money, real time with your children, and in some cases can expose you to arrest or contempt of court.

This guide walks through the most common misconceptions in Colorado family law — things like the idea that you can stop paying child support because you're being denied time with your kids, that mothers are automatically favored, that cheating affects the divorce, or that an informal "it's okay" from a protected person cancels a protection order. Knowing what's actually true will help you make smarter decisions, set realistic expectations, and avoid the self-inflicted mistakes that trip up so many people.

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The single most dangerous pattern in family law is "self-help" — taking matters into your own hands based on a belief about the law that turns out to be wrong.

What the Law Requires

Several firm rules of Colorado law directly contradict widely held beliefs:

Child support and parenting time are completely separate. This is the big one. Colorado law requires courts to keep these two issues apart, and a court cannot condition one on the other. You cannot stop paying child support because the other parent is denying you time with your kids — and they cannot withhold your parenting time because you've fallen behind on support. If one parent isn't following a decree, the other parent's obligations are not automatically suspended. The correct response is to ask the court for an order, not to retaliate on your own. Even a parent who is behind on support through no fault of their own cannot be denied time with their child as a punishment, and a parent denied time still owes support.

Colorado is a no-fault state. Old fault grounds and defenses — adultery, desertion, cruelty, habitual drunkenness, nonsupport, condonation, collusion, and the rest — were abolished. The only question for ending a marriage is whether it is irretrievably broken. Marital misconduct is also not considered when setting child support.

Courts cannot favor a parent because of their sex. The law expressly prohibits any presumption that one parent is better able to serve a child's best interests because of that parent's sex. The idea that mothers automatically get the children is not the law.

A protection order can only be changed by a court. If you are the protected person, you cannot give the restrained person permission to contact you or ignore the order — that permission has no legal effect, and the restrained person can still be arrested and prosecuted. Only a judge can modify or dismiss the order.

A debt assigned to your spouse in a divorce does not release you from it. The lender was not part of your divorce and isn't bound by it. Until a joint debt is paid off or refinanced into the other person's name alone, you remain legally liable to the lender.

Signing a waiver of service is not surrender. Accepting service or signing a waiver only confirms you received the documents. You keep every right to respond, participate, and contest the case.

What Courts Typically Do

In practice, Colorado courts have thoroughly modernized how they handle these issues, and knowing the current approach helps you speak the court's language.

• Terminology. Courts no longer use "custody" or "visitation." The correct terms are "parental responsibilities" (which includes decision-making) and "parenting time." Using outdated words won't doom your case, but current language keeps communication clear.

• No automatic 50/50. There is no presumption that parenting time or decision-making will be split equally. Courts decide each schedule individually under the child's best interests. Don't assume a 50/50 order is automatic — or impossible.

• Decision-making vs. parenting time. Having joint decision-making authority does not mean equal parenting time, and it does not eliminate child support. These are negotiated independently. Day-to-day choices (curfew, chores, minor medical care) belong to whichever parent has the child at the time; only major decisions — schooling, significant medical treatment, religious upbringing — fall under shared decision-making.

• Maintenance (spousal support) guidelines are advisory, not mandatory. In practice courts treat the guideline figure as a starting point and retain discretion over both the amount and the length of any award. Don't assume the guideline number is what you'll receive or pay.

• Custody is never a punishment. Courts do not change a parenting arrangement to punish a parent for bad behavior; the child's best interests control.

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Courts in practice expect realistic requests — you will almost certainly not get everything you ask for, and understanding that going in makes you a more effective participant.

Step by Step: What to Do

1. Identify which beliefs are driving your decisions. Write down what you're assuming about support, parenting time, fault, or a protection order — then check each against the rules above. Several of the most common assumptions are flatly wrong.

2. Stop any "self-help" immediately. If you've been withholding support, blocking parenting time, or relying on informal permission around a protection order, understand that these actions can backfire badly. Correct course now.

3. Use the proper legal remedy instead of retaliating. If the other parent is violating an order, the path is to ask the court to enforce it — not to break your own obligations in response.

4. Get the terminology and the paperwork right. Whether you're filing, responding, or formalizing an agreement, your documents need to be complete and accurate. Rather than hunting down blank forms and guessing which boxes to check, let the guided wizard on this site interview you and prepare and pre-fill the correct Colorado forms for your situation.

5. Don't skip required paperwork just because you agree. Even fully agreeing couples generally must submit the written property and financial materials, and even couples with no agreements at all still have to tell the court each person's position on every issue. The wizard will handle this for you.

6. Remember that waivers aren't locked in. If you and your spouse waived financial disclosures, either of you can undo that at any time, which restarts the full disclosure exchange. Don't treat an early agreement as permanent.

7. Protect yourself on joint debts. Pursue refinancing or payoff of any joint debt assigned to your spouse — a court order alone will not get your name off it.

8. Get at least limited legal help. Even a short consultation can help you make realistic requests and understand what a court can actually order.

What Research Shows Can Help

Research referenced in these materials makes one point that cuts against a very common parental belief: unless there is serious abuse or violence, children genuinely do want to see their other parent. When a child fusses or resists at a handoff, that resistance is most often created by the adults involved — not by the child wanting to avoid the other parent. Acting on the mistaken belief that "the child doesn't want to go" can lead a parent to improperly restrict parenting time.

The same materials describe a recurring dynamic worth watching for: fathers often attribute parenting-time problems to the mother's resistance, while mothers often raise concerns about punctuality, safety, negative remarks, and unsupported discipline. Both perspectives can be genuine. Recognizing that you and your co-parent may each honestly see the same situation differently is a first step toward resolving it without court.

What to Do Today

• Pick one belief you've been operating on — about support, parenting time, fault, or a protection order — and check it against the rules in this guide.
• If you've been withholding support or parenting time to pressure the other parent, stop today and plan to address the real problem through the court instead.
• If a protection order is involved, understand that no informal "it's fine" overrides it — only a judge can change it.
• Start the guided wizard so the correct forms for your situation get prepared and pre-filled accurately.
• Call around for at least a limited-scope consultation with a family law attorney to pressure-test your expectations.

Related Issues to Be Aware Of

• Child support. Because support is calculated from both parents' combined income as if the family were intact — and adjusted for things like child care and physical care arrangements — the amount is driven by a formula, not by who "behaves" better. Marital misconduct doesn't factor in, and support can reach back to separation, filing, or service.

• Missed or modified parenting time. If you're being denied time, there are real remedies — including makeup parenting time of the same type and duration — but you have to go through the court. Note the tight deadlines: a parent who ignores a parenting-time objection in certain situations can have parenting time suspended until further order.

• Contempt and enforcement. This is the proper channel when someone isn't following an order. Unpaid support becomes an enforceable money judgment, and there are both judicial and administrative tools to collect it — which is exactly why self-help withholding is unnecessary and risky.

• Order non-compliance. The law treats support/maintenance and parenting time as independent remedies — one party's breach never excuses your own obligations. Courts can even require a non-complying parent to post a bond to guarantee future compliance.

• Understanding and implementing your order. Once a separation agreement's terms are incorporated into your decree, they stop being just a private contract and become enforceable as a court judgment — including through contempt. That's why getting the order's terms right matters so much.